I Have Everything, Yet, I have Nothing

Have you ever been to a 21st birthday party or is it just a South African thing? Particularly, a Black South African thing? My family couldn’t afford to throw me a big party when I turned 21 but I was invited to a few and I attended them all. The premise of a 21st birthday party is that a young woman has now crossed over the threshold from being a child to a woman. Your family gives you a key. The key is a metaphorical symbol that says “you are a woman now, you are allowed to come and go as you please, you run your life now, you no longer belong to your parents, but to yourself.”

I remember being at one of these and the main speaker had a list of the passages to becoming a full human. She said:

“This is the next step before the final step. You graduated preschool, then high school, then University, now you are given the key, the last step we expect now is your wedding”.

It felt simple hearing these steps. The expectations were laid out in chronological order. There wouldn’t be any confusion. It is clearly stated, written in the fabric of our culture and society, clearly communicated at events and celebrations as you go through each passage. Here is the road map, so many women have walked it, they have lived it, you too shall follow suit.